Friendships
Friends are an important part of life at any age. Friendships can affect our happiness, self-confidence and achievements. They can also:
- help us develop social skills
- teach us how to get along with other people
- help us learn different ways of understanding the world and the many different meanings we can make from life events.
Friendships change as people get older and grow and develop.
In this article:
Making friends
When making new friends, you might like to think about how you’ve made friends in the past:
- Someone might have started up a conversation with you, then become your friend.
- They may have had qualities that you really liked—maybe they were funny and made you laugh, so you wanted to be around them.
- They may have really liked your qualities—someone may have told you they trust you because you listen and care, and as a result they became your friend.
The sort of thoughts you have about yourself help you to be open to new people. Have you noticed that if you feel okay with yourself you are more likely to meet people than if you are really down on yourself? It's normal to be feeling nervous, but make sure you are kind to yourself!
Here are some other ideas that may help you make friends:
- be friendly
- smile and acknowledge people
- start conversations
- be interested in others
- be a good listener when others talk
- give others compliments (but you have to mean it)
- look confident and be okay with yourself
- have a sense of humour and have fun
- have helpful self-talk that is encouraging and patient.
Making friends is an important part of developing your independence and getting a sense of who you are as a person.
Difficulties making friends
Often the thought of making new friends can create feelings of self-consciousness and uncertainty. Although there are lots of different ways to make friends, sometimes people do or say things that can make it a bit harder. Some of these include:
- being shy and avoiding eye contact
- people confusing your shyness with being unfriendly
- talking about yourself too much and not being interested when others talk
- being negative about things
- making fun of people or putting people down
- telling yourself that there is nothing about you anybody would like.
When things go wrong
Healthy friendships typically provide support, understanding and fun, and help to define individual beliefs and values.
When friendships don't go smoothly it can be a really stressful time. You might start to question yourself and whether or not you are okay compared to your peers. As well as this, not having friends can impact on self-esteem or achievements.
Examples of common concerns include:
- changes in friendships or a friend's behaviour
- moving away from old friends and having to meet new ones
- growing apart from friends and developing different interests
- new people joining friendship groups and changing the way it used to be
- getting dumped by friends and not knowing why.
Any of these situations can lead to needing to make new friends. Depending on the circumstances this can be an exciting or a stressful experience—or a bit of both.
Where to get support
Beyondblue Support Service
- beyondblue Support Service
- Talk – 1300 22 4636
- Chat
Kids Helpline
- Kids Helpline
- Talk – 1800 55 1800
- Chat